Need advice from fellow parents?

My son had a lot of the same issues you are having. We all went to court to clear up some of the problems. His X was letting our grand daughter stay with all her X boyfriends and their families, we would see her all over with other people we had no idea who they were. The judge got pretty hard on our X daughter in law and told her it sounded like SHE is the one that is not a good parent. The judge layed down a lot of rules for her to follow, and since our son lives quite a distance away, she has to offer our grand daughter to him first, if he can't take her, she HAS to offer her to US. She is 15 now and we have NEVER turned her down and never will. He tries hard to be able to have her but his job requires him to work long hours. Atleast now though we know where our grand daughter is and that she is safe so her mom can party or whatever......Your X should care and the judge would bring her to her knees!!!!!!!!!!!! DO NOT LET HER make you feel guilty. Just because you cannot stand the mother does not mean you don not love your daughter!!!! Tell her that in nicer terms. I am sure your parents were hurt, we have been there too. It is so hard to handle these type of situations. Good luck!